You constantly choose according to your desire. When you are full of sexuality you will see women, if you are a man; or if you are a woman, you will see men. When sexuality disappears you stop seeing man and woman, you stop dividing that way. It simply does not matter. It is pointless.
The first thing that you see in the other is whether he is man or woman. Have you watched it. You never forget it. You can forget everything – you can forget the name of the person, the face of the person – but you never forget whether the person is man or woman. Why? Have you ever forgotten that about anybody? Have you ever wondered whether he is man or woman? “I knew him twenty years ago. I don’t remember his name, I don’t remember his face, I don’t remember anything about him….” but have you ever wondered whether he was man or woman? No that you remember. That goes deep in you – because of nafs. The first thing you look into is whether the person is man or woman.
Just a few days ago it happened that a Japanese man took sannyas and Mukta told me that he was a she – some mistake from the office on her chart. So I gave him sannyas and gave him a “Ma” name, but he was a man. And you know the Japanese, they are so polite they will not say no. I have heard that the Japanese have no equivalent word to no, they always say yes – hai. They are just being polite.
So he accepted even that. He didn’t say, “I am a man. I am not a woman.” Only later on was it known that he was a man and I had given him a “Ma” name.
What happened? When you don’t have nafs you don’t look into another’s sexuality. That doesn’t matter. That does not matter at all. You are not concerned with the form of his body – whether he has breasts or not, whether he has a beard or not. You don’t see it that way. Once nafs has disappeared, once the desire-nature has disappeared, the other is a person, a pure person. Maleness, femaleness are irrelevant facts. Who bothers? Otherwise those are the most pertinent and relevant facts. The first thing that you see in the other is a reflection of your nafs.
Sufis say nafs is the state where man exists, and through nafs there is no possibility of seeing God – because nafs can only see sexuality, money, power. Nafs is blind to God. Unless you drop nafs you will not see God – and God is everywhere. Only God is. All is God. Nothing else is. But you will not see God, you cannot see God. To see God you will have to drop nafs.
Why does nafs become such a barrier? What exactly is nafs? Nafs is a neurotic hunger which cannot be satisfied. That’s why it is neurotic – because there is no way to fulfill it. The more you fulfill it, the more it grows. Nafs is a constant hankering to have more – of whatsoever. If you have money you want to have more money, if you have a beautiful woman you want to have a more beautiful woman, if you have power you want to have more power – always more and more and more. Now this more cannot be satisfied. In the very nature of things the desire for more cannot be satisfied – because whatsoever you have, your desire for more remains.