One day it is going to happen. Any day it is possible. Any moment when there is no desire, not even a flicker of it – no trembling, no wavering – and consciousness is unclouded – no smoke of desire, only the flame of consciousness, the fire of consciousness…. And suddenly you start laughing, suddenly you understand that that which you were seeking was always within you. That is the meaning of Jesus when he goes on insisting, “The kingdom of God is within you.” If it were “without” it could be desired; if it were “without” it could be reached from some path. It is you! That’s why I say I have got no path to offer you. I can only share my understanding with you.
The third question:
Does the universe love me?
It is a wrong question to ask. You should ask the other way round, “Do you love the universe?” because universe is not a person. It cannot love you. It has no center, or you can say “everywhere it has the center,” but it is a nonpersonal phenomenon. How can a nonpersonal existence love you? You can love.
But when you love, the universe responds – responds absolutely. If you take one step towards the universe, the universe takes a thousand and one steps towards you; but that’s a response.
You will have to understand what Lao Tzu says: that the nature of existence is feminine. A woman waits; she never initiates. The man has to go and initiate. The man has to come and woo and court and persuade. Existence is feminine – it waits You have to woo it; you have to court it; you have to take the initiative and then the universe showers on you – showers in infinite ways, fulfills in infinite ways. Just like a woman: when you have persuaded her she showers tremendously.
No man can be such a lover as a woman can be. A man remains always a part lover; his total being is never in love. A woman is totally in it; it is her whole life, her every breath. But she waits. She will never take the initiative, she will never chase you; and if a woman chases you – howsoever beautiful the woman – you will become scared of her. She won’t look feminine. She will be so aggressive that her whole beauty will turn into ugliness. A woman is passive. Remember this word passive, passivity.
Universe is the mother. It is always better to call the God “mother” than “father.” The father is not so relevant. Universe is the mother: feminine, waiting for you – waiting for you for ever and ever – but you will have to knock at the door. You will find it immediately opened if you knock, but if you don’t knock you can go on standing at the gate. The existence is not going to open it; it is not aggressive. Even in love it is not aggressive. That’s why I say it will respond.
But don’t ask the wrong question. Don’t ask, “Does the universe love me?” Love the universe and you will find that your love is nothing. The universe gives you such infinite love, returns your love with such infinite response…. But it is a response – the universe never initiates; it waits. And it is beautiful that it waits; otherwise the whole beauty of love will be lost.