The first question:
Everything appears to be very paradoxical: having to be total and yet having to remain a witness, a watcher; having to be drowned in love and yet to be alone. It sounds very mysterious, and I feel utterly lost and confused. Am I getting conned?
Life is beautiful because it is paradoxical. It has salt because it is paradoxical – it is not just sweet, it has salt in it too. If it was just sweet, it would become too sugary, saccharin.
Life has tremendous mystery in it because it is based on paradox. You are feeling confused because you have a certain fixed idea about how life should be – you don’t allow life to be as it is. You want to impose a certain concept on it, a certain logic on it. The confusion is of your own creation.
Try to impose some logical pattern on life and you will become very much confused, because life has no obligation to fulfill your logic. Life is as it is. You have to listen to it. It has all the colors, the whole spectrum – it is a rainbow. But you have a certain idea that it should be only blue or it should be only green or it should be only red – but it is all the seven colors. Then what are you going to do about the six other colors which are not part of your conception? Either you have to ignore them, block them, so that you don’t become aware of them; repress them, simply deny them…. But whatsoever you do, life is not going to drop its colors; they will be there – denied, rejected, repressed, they will be there, waiting for the right moment to explode into your consciousness.
And whenever they explode you will be confused. The confusion is your responsibility. Life is not confusing at all. Life is mysterious but never confusing. Because you don’t want it to be mysterious, you want it to be mathematical, you want it very clear-cut so that you can calculate and measure – hence the difficulty. It is not created by life. Drop your conceptions and then look…. Then you will find the storm that comes brings a silence with it – which is illogical! The silence that is felt after the storm is the deepest, the profoundest. If there is no storm, the silence remains superficial, the silence remains dull, it has no depth. After the storm…the greater the storm, the deeper the silence. Now, it is paradoxical.