For about six months I have been waking up every morning with a deep fear of death. I must be missing the most important experiences in my meditation to be so afraid of death in my sleep. Years ago, I woke up every morning with a smile and deep happiness that I had found you.
Osho, I am still smiling, and the happiness to be with you has deepened even more – it’s just that the mornings are a bit different. Can you please shine some light on them?
There are a few important things to be understood. They will become the background and you will be able to understand your question.
My work is not to answer you, but to help you to solve your questions. This is a totally different kind of work.
Our whole education system is based on giving ready-made answers. Because of those ready-made answers you never develop your intelligence. There is no need – you ask the question and a computer-teacher answers them.
I cannot do that tremendous harm to your intelligence, so my answers have to be looked at in a totally different way. I will give you the background, all the implications, and the question will be solved by you, not answered by me.
Unless a question is solved by you yourself, your intelligence never becomes sharp, your consciousness never becomes alert. You go on accumulating ready-made answers in your mind, in your memory, which is simply a load, of no use. In any situation which is fresh and new you will be at a loss what to do, because you don’t have the ready-made answer.
I am working from a totally different angle. I want you to be capable, conscious, alert, intelligent, so whenever a new situation arises – and every day you are going to face a new situation – you are capable of responding with certainty on your own. It is a joy when you find an answer to any question yourself.
This should be the fundamental of all educational systems. It is not. They have chosen the cheapest way, the shortcut: you ask the question and they will give you the answer.
I don’t give you an answer while I am answering you; I am trying to put your whole situation before you. If you can become aware of the whole situation the answer will arise on its own, in your own intelligence. It will become a flame within you. And because it is yours, you will have a certainty, an indubitability, a tremendous trust in it.
You can believe any answer given from outside, but you cannot trust it. You can manage, you can force yourself to believe it because the person who has given it seems to be the right person. But all these are guesses – and a belief is not a trust. Belief is always in somebody else; trust is something that arises in you as a fragrance of your being – as your intelligence sharpening, as your consciousness growing.
The question is, “For about six months I have been waking up every morning with a deep fear of death. I must be missing the most important experiences in my meditation to be so afraid of death in myself.”
The situation is just the contrary: because your meditation is deepening, that’s why your morning is filled with the fear of death, not vice versa.