You say: “The song breaks.” It is not the song that is breaking, it is the ego. But because the ego is identified with the song, when the ego breaks you feel the song is breaking.
I can say to you from my own experience – and I have all the buddhas of the past supporting me – the song has never broken. Buddha became enlightened and for forty-two years he was singing; for forty-two years his each gesture was a song, his silence was a song, his words were songs. Whether he said something or not, the song continued. The song is not breaking.
You say: “The words fall from my hands, and there I am sadly, empty-handed, with no song to sing anymore.” No, your interpretation is wrong. You feel sad because the ego is disappearing and that has been your joy up to now. The only joy that people know is the joy of ego succeeding. Now the ego is by and by withering away and you feel sad, empty-handed, because your hands were full of the ego.
Once you have understood it you will not see your hands as empty, in fact you will see them having the whole space of the sky available – sky in your hands, not emptiness. You will see it as spaciousness, not emptiness.
I have always lived in empty rooms – no furniture, just the bare necessities, one chair, not even another chair for a visitor because nobody comes to visit. And I have always watched: whenever somebody came to see, either they said the room was empty or they said the room was spacious – but very rarely. Out of a hundred persons only one person would say, “The room is very spacious. I love it!”
The English word room simply means spacious, roomy; it does not mean empty. So I have the biggest room in the world, the most roomy room – just space, nothing to hinder, the whole sky available. Only once in a while has somebody said, “It is spacious,” and that man had a certain understanding; otherwise they say empty. And both are right according to their vision.
But you have to understand, it is not empty, and it is not that you have no song to sing any more, it is only that your “I” is disappearing. You are disappearing, not the song! And believe me, when you are completely gone, then only does the song arrive. Then it is divine.
We have called it in India, ‘Bhagavadgita Gita – “the song celestial.” Then God sins through you, you are just a hollow bamboo flute.
The second question:
I am coming across some conditioning that often makes me feel tense and frustrated. It is perfection, hurry, effort, et cetera. Is this a special German conditioning? I am German!