A group of children nearby start throwing rocks in the water. They laugh and shout and kick up the sand.
His peace completely destroyed, Peter sits up. “Hey! You kids!” he barks at them. “You get outta here!”
But Jesus pushes up his Ray-Ban sunglasses, wipes the sand off his face, and says, “No, Peter. Let the children come unto me.”
Five minutes later, the noise is deafening as screaming kids, splashing water, and flying sand fill the air. Peter, hung over from last night’s wine, gets totally pissed off. “I said, you kids just get the hell outta here!” he screams.
But again Jesus sits up, wipes the sand off himself, raises his hand and says, “Peter, I told you: let the children come unto me – so that I can kick their little asses!”
Klopski is sitting with Seamus at the Dancing Duck Pub, sipping his beer.
“Hey, Seamus,” says the Polack, “how do you do so well with the girls?”
“Easy,” says Seamus. “You have to be sophisticated, and you have to have a gimmick.”
“Sophisticated is easy,” says Klopski, swallowing down his tenth beer. “But what is a gimmick?”
“Well,” replies Seamus, “for example, I painted a white circle on the dashboard of my car. The girl usually asks me what it means. Then I very casually explain that it stands for purity. The conversation generally turns to abstract white things, like virginity. From there it is easy to talk them into it.”
“Okay,” says Klopski, “I think I got it.”
The next evening Klopski paints a white circle on the dashboard of his car, and then goes to pick up his date, Lucy.
“That is rather unusual – having a white circle on your dash,” says Lucy to Klopski.
“Yes, it is,” replies Klopski, thinking quickly as he adjusts his tie. “Do you wanna fuck?”
“You are drunk!” shouts the barman of the Groggy Doggie Pub, at Paddy, who just has slipped slowly onto the floor again.
“I’m not drunk at all!” insists Paddy, picking himself up. “In fact, I’m not even drunk a little bit, and I’ll prove it to you. Now, you see that cat just coming in the door? Well, it has only got one eye.”
“You’re drunker than I thought,” says the barman. “That cat is going out!”