After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near the master’s temple said to a friend: “Since I am blind I cannot watch a person’s face, so I must judge his character by the sound of his voice.
“Ordinarily when I hear someone congratulate another upon his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one condoling was really glad there was something left to gain in his own world.
“In all my experience however, Bankei’s voice was always sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow was all I heard.”
Man is split. Schizophrenia is a normal condition of man – at least now. It may not have been so in the primitive world, but centuries of conditioning, civilization, culture and religion have made man a crowd – divided, split, contradictory. One part goes one way, the other part goes in just the diametrically opposite way and it is almost impossible to keep oneself together. It is a miracle that man is existing at all. He should by now have disappeared long before. But because this split is against his nature, deep down somewhere hidden the unity still survives. Because the soul of man is one, all the conditionings at the most destroy the periphery of the man. But the center remains untouched – that’s how man continues to live. But his life has become a hell.
The whole effort of Zen is how to drop this schizophrenia, how to drop this split personality, how to drop the divided mind of man, how to become undivided, integrated, centered, crystallized.
The way you are, you cannot say that you are. You don’t have a being. You are a marketplace – many voices. If you want to say yes, immediately the no is there. You cannot even utter a simple word yes with totality. Watch…say yes, and deep inside the no also arises with it. You cannot say a simple word like no without contradicting it at the same time. In this way happiness is not possible; unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality. Unhappiness, because you are constantly in conflict with yourself. It is not that you are fighting with the world, you are every moment fighting with yourself. How can there be peace? How can there be silence? How can you be for even a single moment at rest? Not for a single moment are you at rest. Even while you are sleeping you are dreaming a thousand and one things. Even while sleeping you are tossing this way and that – a continuous conflict. You are a battlefield.
You say to somebody “I love you,” and the more you say it, the more you have to repeat it. It appears there is suspicion behind it. If you really love there is no need even to say it, because words do not matter. Your whole being will show your love; your eyes will show your love. There will be no need to say it, there will be no need to repeat it continuously. You repeat to convince the other and at the same time to convince yourself – because deep down, jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, the urge to dominate, a deep power politics, are hidden.
In his epistles St. Paul uses “in Christ” one hundred and sixty-four times. He must have been a little doubtful about it. “In Christ. In Christ. In Christ…” one hundred and sixty-four times. It is too much. Once would have been enough. Even once is more than enough. It should be your being that shows that you live in Christ – and then there is no need to say it.