The first rung is sexuality; it is very close to the animal world, it is the lowest rung. The second rung is exactly in the middle – I call it love. It makes you human; you have gone beyond the animal, you are no longer animal. It is love that gives you the first taste of humanity. And the third and the highest is prayerfulness; it makes you divine. And these are the three basic planes: animal, human, divine.
Move from the animal toward the human. And remember, even the human has to be transcended. Unless prayerfulness arises in your heart, unless your whole sexual energy is transformed into love and then into prayerfulness… Sexuality is biological, physiological, chemical; love is psychological; and prayerfulness is spiritual.
Sexuality is exploiting the other, getting as much as you can get from the other, using the other as a means. Love is just the opposite – giving as much as you can, not using the other as a means but using the other as an end. It has great respect for the other, for the other’s freedom and space. And prayerfulness is the melting and merging with the whole, with the other. The other is no longer the other – “I” and “thou” have become one. In sexuality the “I” and “thou” are very prominent, hence there is continuous conflict, no communion, no communication; it is sheer exploitation. Both are playing political games, trying to dominate the other, to reduce the other to a slave, to a commodity.
That’s what has been done all over the world. Husband and wife are nothing but ugly names. To be a man is good, but to be a husband is very humiliating. To be a woman is beautiful, natural, but to be a wife is institutional. Husbands and wives are both living in institutions – and they certainly create a madhouse. They start reproducing children, and the madhouse becomes madder and madder. Somehow they go on pulling themselves along, dragging themselves. Life has no song, no grace; it is all ugly. But they go on smiling on the outside, hiding their tears, their wounds.
Love respects the other. In the world of love there are no husbands and wives – they cannot exist. There are only lovers – friends at the most – but no relationship like wife and husband. A certain intensity, intimacy, a passionate sharing but no possessiveness, no jealousy.
Love is exactly in the middle between sex and prayerfulness – now “I” and “thou” can have a communion, a dialogue. Dialogue is possible only in freedom; between two individuals dialogue is possible, not between a husband and wife. Between a husband and wife there is only the possibility of fight, nagging, struggle; there is no possibility of dialogue.
Have you ever seen any wife and husband in a dialogue? It is impossible. The moment one says anything, the other immediately jumps in and starts creating trouble. One says something, the other immediately understands something else. Even wives and husbands cannot agree about the meaning of what they are talking about, hence wives and husbands, by and by, settle down into a non-speaking relationship. They speak as little as possible, they become telegraphic, because every word costs so much! It is better to be as telegraphic as possible because each single word can create so much chaos.