An English girl is sitting in front of Osho. She had sent a letter to him about her relationship with a sannyasin from England who is also present.
I read your letter. I can understand your inner indecisiveness. Whenever there is something very important the mind always hesitates, because anything more important than the mind is always a danger to it.
The mind wants to manipulate and control everything, but there are a few things which it cannot control. The only way for the mind is not to move in these directions, so it stops.
Love is one of those things which is bigger than the mind, higher than the mind, beyond the grasp of the mind, beyond comprehension. Love is something absurd for the mind – it should not happen in a logical world. If people were rational then love would not happen at all. Because people still persist in being irrational, love happens. Whenever a person is absolutely rationalized, his heart is gone and he becomes a shrunken phenomenon inside. He is like a dead rock. He lives – yet lives not.
So this is always a problem: love happens, and then the mind starts hesitating. It starts finding ways and means and rationalizations to avoid it – and it is a great rationalizer. It can even convince you that there is no love.
The same will happen with anything that is not rational – and life itself is irrational. Existence is absurd; in fact there is no reason why we are. Existence is given for no reason at all: suddenly we are and then suddenly we disappear. The whole thing is more like magic.
So my suggestion is – I call it a suggestion because you are not yet a sannyasin, otherwise I can order you (much laughter from everyone) – that you don’t listen to the mind. Love deeply.
As I see you both, you fit somehow. Very few people fit, but you do, so don’t miss this opportunity.
Abandon the mind completely. You are loving, but very grudgingly, mm? One step forwards, one step backwards. You go a little towards him but you are always ready to withdraw.
That withdrawing is not allowing you to experience what love is, because love needs you totally – either all or nothing. But part-love is never satisfied with the part, it asks for the whole.
If you go on hanging like this it becomes your habit, an unconscious mechanism; then you are puzzled as to whether you love or not. If you love half-heartedly or just in part, it looks more like liking than love. Liking is of not much value; it has no passion in it, no life.