So, good that anger is lessened; sexual desire is no more the master; the mind is getting still. Now please, don’t make any effort to surrender. Otherwise the mind will again become tense, and the stillness will be lost. And again you will become angry – because when you cannot surrender, you will find the sex has again become the master.
When the mind is angry – it doesn’t matter, angry against others or against yourself, it doesn’t matter – when the mind is angry and when the mind is tense, sex becomes the master, because then sex is the only release. Then you are so much tense that you have to throw some energy out some way. Then sex becomes the outlet.
It is a safety valve, a natural safety valve. Nature has given you an opening: if you cannot cope with your energy and you cannot remain relaxed, then the energy goes on accumulating, and there comes the point when it has to be released; otherwise you will go mad. Mad people all over the world are somehow or other mad, because they suppressed their sex energy. Either transform it, or don’t suppress it.
Sex becomes the master because you are so tense. You need it; you need its help. When you are relaxed, sex disappears. The more you are relaxed, the more sex disappears. If you are totally relaxed, sex disappears completely; and the energy that was involved in sex becomes love, becomes compassion, becomes awareness, becomes freedom.
And the last thing: “What will it take – a thunderbolt?” You go on thinking about ego as if it is a very big and strong thing. It is not. It is just a water bubble, a soap bubble. It does not need a thunderbolt; just a small prick and it is gone – and the bigger it is; the weaker; the stronger it is, the weaker.
This paradox has to be understood. It’s just as if you make a soap bubble, and go on making it bigger and bigger and bigger. The bigger the bubble, the more the emptiness in it; the bigger the bubble, the weaker – sooner or later it is going to explode. If it was small, it was stronger.
That’s why I say that the ego has to be strengthened, so that it becomes weak and bursts. The bigger the balloon, the more emptiness it carries. Just a prick…. That’s why it was so easy for a Buddha to attain to truth, because he was the son of an emperor. A big balloon he must have carried within, a big ego – he was no ordinary man. It must have been more difficult for Jesus than it was for Buddha. He was just a son of a carpenter, a poor man’s son. It must have been very difficult for him to drop it. For Buddha it was simple; in fact it dropped of its own accord, it was so big, so empty.
So don’t wait for a thunderbolt. Just a small breeze… Your ego is nothing but a dewdrop on a grass leaf. A small breeze and it slips and is gone. It happens very easily. But I am saying: it happens. You cannot do. If you do, then even thunderbolts won’t help. It happens. Just go on becoming more and more still, silent, peaceful, loving; and one day, when the time has come, when the right moment has arrived, when the ego is ripe, it slips. And when it slips, it is beautiful, because it doesn’t leave a trace behind.