I am feeling closer and closer to you as my lover and my friend. My trust in you is helping me to sink deeper and deeper into myself. Fear is there for the unknown, and when I relax into it I fall one more step into myself, and after that, I feel as if something is dying. Beloved master, am I on the right path? Could you please say something?
The moment you come closer to me, you are coming closer to yourself, because I am not here as a person. Coming closer to me is coming closer to your future.
People are afraid about the unknown, always, because the known seems so well acquainted that you can remain unconscious with the known; there is no need of any alertness.
The unknown requires you to be more conscious, more alert. And the fear is coming from your false ego, because the more conscious you become, the less is the possibility for the ego to exist. That’s why you are feeling that something is dying in you.
This happens only to the fortunate ones, because anything that can die in you, is not you. Your life source is eternal and knows no death. You can take it as a criterion, that whatever is dying, deserves dying. It was false and you were unnecessarily identified with it. With its death you will realize your reality and that reality never dies – it is always there.
Your question is, “I am feeling closer and closer to you as my lover and my friend.” You will have to come a little closer, so that even the friend and the lover disappear. These are distant relationships, however intimate, but there is a distance: you are you, I am I. And friendship can be broken and the love can disappear, so don’t get stuck rejoicing in the feeling of love and friendship. You have to come a little closer.
The exact closeness is only one, when neither you exist nor I exist. As far as I am concerned, I do not exist at all – it is only your imagination. My ego has died decades ago. But unless your ego dies, you will not be able to see the point that ego can die and not only do you still remain alive, you become more alive.
These are the mysteries of life…when the friend disappears, it is not that the enemy appears. When the friend disappears, then you will find the first taste of true friendliness. When love disappears, you will find that now love is no more a relationship, but your very being.
You are love.
So whatever is happening, is on the right path, in the right direction.
“My trust in you is helping me to sink deeper and deeper into myself.” A little deeper, and the trust in me will become trust in yourself; and only that can be relied upon.
Trust in me is going to disappear just as friendship and love. It is certainly deeper than friendship and love, but not the deepest. At the deepest point when your trust disappears, you will suddenly find a trust in yourself – and my work is not to make you a slave, but to make you a totally free individual.