If you feel like leaving, leave her. If you feel like fighting, fight her.
We used to fight a lot…
[the woman] It was so tiring.
If you stopped just because you felt tired, then you will be sad, because then you have not stopped for the right reason – just “tired”! Understand that it is futile, not tiring! When you stop because it is tiring you have not understood the point at all. You really still wanted to fight, but because it is tiring you have stopped. No understanding has happened. It is better to fight, and to be happy and tired – at least you will be true. The truth will be very animalistic, but at least it will be true. And don’t try to be angels before time. People who try to be angels before they have any maturity of understanding, fall below animals.
Mature, try to understand. Tiredness is not the question; it is the futility of it, the foolishness, the stupidity of it – not tiredness. Just the whole thing is nonsense – and that is not in any condemnatory sense, simply as a fact. It is nonsense – it leads nowhere and is a vicious circle, endless.
But understand it and then it drops – not that you drop it; it drops of its own accord. Then you have a tremendous release of energy. The same energy which was becoming violent, aggressive, fighting, anger, this and that, is now released. Now the same energy is available to celebrate, to dance, to love.
So this time when you go back, be real….
I still don’t understand about phoniness, because when I cried I felt that I wasn’t sad but I just gave air to frustrations. I didn’t feel I was phony – like sometimes I do feel I’m phony…. I’m baffled. I don’t understand.
No need; that is not the point. Just don’t be phony – that’s the point. We go on protecting our phoniness also, because to accept that it is phony is against the ego. No need to protect it, mm? For these next few months be really real.
[the boyfriend] Sometimes I don’t want to be involved with her. I want to be where I am.
So simply go out, leave her; disappear for two or three days!