The old gentleman rose slowly and looked around at the enthusiastic gathering. “There is just one thing I would like to know,” he said. “Who the hell pushed me?”
This game goes on. Our life is really ridiculous, and the only way to make it sane and intelligent is the way of creating a watcher in you. Then whether you are awake or asleep the watcher remains inside you, just like a small flame, continuously burning. It watches your sleep, it watches your dreams; it watches everything. Finally it watches your death too.
And because it watches your death, it means you are not dying. Only that which was not you is dying. The flame has become your life source, and the center simply moves on into another form, into another life. And this flame cannot be extinguished. It is immortality itself. The experience of this flame is the experience of enlightenment. With this experience, all the fears of life disappear.
What remains is pure joy, and a tremendous gratitude towards existence. I call this gratitude the only prayer…no words, but without words a deep feeling of gratefulness: “So much has been given to me which I don’t deserve, which I have not earned, of which I am not worthy. Life goes on giving to me out of its abundance, not because I need it, I deserve it, but because life has so much to give. It is overflowing.”
The energy of existence is so much, uncontainable. So those who are not closed, who are open, they become filled with all kinds of flowers, and all kinds of fragrances, and all kinds of riches, and all kinds of mysteries, and all kinds of secrets.
The golden key is watching. And there is nothing much to learn in it. It is a very simple thing. You cannot imagine anything more simple which can open the doors of the whole existence for you.
Lately I have slipped right back into my English skin, and I’m so tired of it: sad, serious, depressed, repressed, apologetic, hesitant, without humor or playfulness, conscientious, and boring. It is really pathetic.
When my energy takes off I am a totally different person, so I know this isn’t the real me. But something will trigger, and I am back in the old skin again. Please help me to cast it off.
You are in one of the most difficult skins. But I will take you out. And you also have become aware of slipping out of it; but just out of the old habit you again get into it. So now it is not as difficult as it usually is.
You are describing very rightly that English conditioning. It is one of the most serious and sad conditionings in the world.