The first question:
Sometimes I want to scream, “Stop, Osho! Not so fast! I’m not up to it!”
I haven’t been here for few days before I am having to confront my attachments, my possessiveness, my jealousy, my fear of dying, and distrust, in addition to diarrhea. Just at the point when I fear that you have asked too much, it all passes; what I feared was too hard to face breaks away and I’m not there – joy and gratitude rush in. Everything that is happening is a gift – the very gift that I needed to grow. A sense comes that all is possible.
Thank you, beloved one.
Amitabh, it is an arduous journey: the journey to the ultimate core of your being. It is an uphill task, it is moving towards the peak. And when you are moving towards the peak you have to unburden yourself of many things. You have to become more and more weightless. You can’t go on carrying rubbish with you.
Slowly, slowly attachments, possessiveness, jealousy, greed, fear, anger: all have to be dropped, because as you move towards higher altitudes things start becoming heavier and heavier. As you move towards purer layers of being, many things which you were never aware of become so clear, and you feel so stupid that you are carrying them, that you have carried them for lives together.
It is difficult to drop them, because one becomes accustomed of one’s habits. Those habits may be creating misery, but still it is difficult to drop them because they have become so familiar. They have become part of your style of life. You are identified with them. Without them you will be somebody else. And one is afraid: afraid to be somebody else other than one is. One is always afraid to go into the unknown. The fear of death is nothing but the fear of the unknown.
How can you be afraid of death? You have not encountered it yet. You have not seen its face: whether it is ugly or beautiful. You cannot say anything: whether it is going to be a curse or a blessing. You have no idea about it. How can you be afraid of death?
No, no one is ever afraid of death. People are really afraid of losing their attachments with life, with their lifestyles. One thing is certain: that death will change you totally, that death will take you into a dimension of which you are absolutely unaware.
One thing is certain: that death will not leave you intact as you are. It will take away your body, it will take away your mind. It will take away all that you had thought you consist of. It will leave only the purest consciousness within you. Hence the fear of death, and hence the fear of going deep into meditation: they are the same.