Thirteen years ago I left the world, deadly wounded, and came to you. You healed me and gave me back even more than life.
Then one year ago I went back to that same world I had escaped from, feeling like a child just out of kindergarten, who barely knows the ABC. Naturally there were dark moments. During those moments an inner voice – was it your voice, Osho? – kept hammering at me, “Don’t get lost in your emotions – watch!” For months this voice became my constant companion until suddenly a realization happened to me: that the darkness and the conflict were created by my own fears, desires, judgements. This glimpse was surrounded by a calm, relaxed feeling of freedom and acceptance.
Now, experiencing again the overwhelming beauty of sitting at your feet, I can see that no matter how long I watch, this desire to be in your presence will remain with me.
Osho, is it really possible not to long for something so unique and beautiful?
The spiritual path has many crossroads. On each crossroad, one feels as if one has arrived. In a certain way it is true, too. It is a certain blessing which was never known before, a peace that is absolutely new, a silence undreamt of, and a love, the fragrance of which one has desired, longed for, for lives and has never found. Naturally one feels the home has come.
This is one of the most difficult tasks for the master – to push you on, to say to you, “This is only the beginning; there is much more waiting for you.” And although it is inconceivable to you that there can be anything more than this, the trust, the love, the devotion towards the master helps you to move.
These moments come again and again. Each time it becomes in a way more difficult, in a way easier. It is difficult in the sense that each new realization, new achievement, new revelation is so vast, so absorbing, that everything you have known before simply fades away, so it becomes more difficult to move on. But on the other hand, it becomes easier to move on because each time the master has said to you, “Move on” you have always gained more; it has never been a loss, it has always been a new door to a new mystery, a new sky beyond the old one. So the trust also has increased. It is easier now to listen to the master and move on.
An ancient story – I have always loved it – an old woodcutter, poor, alone, had only one way to earn his everyday bread and that was by cutting wood and selling it. As he came into the forest, just near the entrance under a beautiful bodhi tree, the same tree under which Gautam Buddha became enlightened; hence the name of the tree has become bodhi tree. Bodhi means enlightenment.
By the way, you will be surprised to know, scientists have found that the bodhi tree has a certain chemical which no other tree has, and that chemical is absolutely necessary for the growth of intelligence. Perhaps it is a very intelligent, sensitive tree. It may not have been just a coincidence…
The woodcutter would see this old man sitting silently, always there – summer, winter, rain. He would touch his feet before entering the forest, and every time he would do that the old man would smile and say, “You are such an idiot.”
The woodcutter was shocked: “Why? – I touch his feet, but rather than giving me a blessing, he simply smiles and says, ‘You are such an idiot.’”
One day he gathered courage and asked, “What do you mean?”
The old man said, “I mean that you have been cutting trees in this forest for your whole life, and if you go just a little deeper into it you will find a copper mine. Only an idiot could miss it! Your whole life you have been in this forest… You can collect the copper and that will be enough for seven days’ comfortable living, no need to cut wood every day in your old age.”