At what point can catharsis be dropped?
It drops itself when it is finished. You need not drop it. By and by you will feel there is no energy in it. By and by you will feel that you are doing catharsis but they are empty gestures, the energy is not there. In fact, you are pretending to do it, acting it; it is not happening. Whenever you feel that it is not happening and you have to force it, it has already dropped. You just have to listen to your heart.
When you are angry, how do you know when the anger has disappeared? When you are sexual, how do you know that the sexuality has gone? Because the energy from the thought is no longer there. The thought may remain but the energy is no longer there; it is an empty thing. You were angry a few minutes before: now, your face may be still a little angry but deep down you know now there is no anger; the energy has moved.
The same will happen in catharsis. You are doing catharsis; it is an energy phenomenon. Many emotions are suppressed: they are uncoiling, they are coming up, bubbling up. Then there is much energy. You are screaming – there is energy – and after the screaming you feel relieved, as if a burden has disappeared. You feel weightless; you feel more at ease, calmed down, slowed down. But if there is no suppressed emotion, then you can do the gesture but after the gesture you will feel tired because you were unnecessarily wasting the energy. There was no suppressed emotion. Nothing was coming up and you were unnecessarily jumping and screaming; you will feel tired.
If the catharsis is true, you will feel rejuvenated after it; if the catharsis is false, you will feel tired. If the catharsis was true you will feel very, very alive after it, younger than before, as if a few years have disappeared. You were thirty; now you are twenty-eight or twenty-five. A load has disappeared; you are younger, livelier, fresher. But if you are just making the gesture, you will feel tired. You were thirty; you will feel thirty-five…old.
You have to watch. Nobody else can tell what is happening within you. You have to be a watcher. Continuously watch what is happening. Don’t go on pretending…because catharsis is not the goal; it is just a means. One day it has to drop. Don’t go on carrying it. It is just like a boat, a ferry boat: you cross the stream and then you forget about it; you don’t carry it on your head.
Remember, catharsis can become your obsession. You can go on doing it, and then it can become a rut, a pattern. It is not to be made a pattern. At what point can catharsis be dropped? It drops itself. You simply remain alert and watch it. And when it wants to drop, don’t cling to it; let it be dropped.