Featured Books Life Love Laughter DON'T MAKE WICKED JOKES (Part 1)



The mystic Atisha has said, 'Don't make wicked jokes.' What is a wicked joke? First I will have to tell three just to explain. And three, because it is a very esoteric number.

The first:
With a buzz and a beep and a whirr, a strange spaceship descends to Earth. Two bizarre creatures emerge and float to the ground. They are a young Martian couple, both scientists, here on an exploratory visit. They decide that the best way to find out about Earth is to communicate with some of the inhabitants, so off they bounce in search of some likely candidates. They enter an apartment building in the mysterious way Martians have of doing these things, and settle upon a newly-wedded couple by the names of Everett and Gladys Sprinkle.

Well, Everett and Gladys are as surprised as could be, but quickly adjust, in that special way newlyweds have of adapting to startling surprises. With one thing and another, the talk finally ends up on the subject of reproduction. The Martian male astounds the Sprinkles by offering to demonstrate the way people reproduce on his planet. Before they can protest in their embarrassment, he grabs the Martian woman, places the eight chubby fingers of his single hand on her forehead, and while he sparkles and she twinkles, an opening appears in her side and a tiny baby Martian hops out and starts prancing around Everett and Gladys' living room.

The Martian male then asks them how it is done on Earth. They hem and haw a bit, and finally decide that it would be too difficult to describe. So, in the interest of interplanetary cooperation, they take off their clothes and give a demonstration.

The Martians watch their performance, enthralled. When it is all over, the Martian woman asks, 'When will the Earth child come out?' Gladys shakes her head and tells her that it will take nine months. The Martians are amazed at this, scratch their heads a bit, and then the male asks, 'But if it isn't coming out right now, how come you were both so excited towards the end?'

The second:
A man went to see his doctor because he was feeling under the weather. The doctor asked the usual questions such as had the man been drinking or eating too much.
'No,' said the man.
'Well, perhaps you have had too many late nights?' queried the doctor.
'No,' the man replied.
The doctor thought about the problem for a while and then asked, 'Much sex?'
'Infrequently,' came the reply.
'Is that two words or one?'

And the third:
A woman walked into a supermarket to buy some broccoli. She went up to a man in the vegetable department and said, 'Sir, do you have any broccoli?'
The man replied, 'No, ma'am, none today. Come back tomorrow.'
A few hours later, the woman was back again, asking the man, 'Sir, do you have any broccoli?'
'Look, lady, I already told you, we don't have any broccoli today.'
The lady left, only to return again that same day. By this time, the man was exasperated and said, 'What does t-o-m spell in the word tomato?'
She replied, 'Tom.'
'And what does p-o-t spell in the the word potato?' he asked.
'Pot,' was the reply,
He then said, 'And what does f-u-c-k spell in the word broccoli?'
She looked puzzled and said, 'There's no fuck in broccoli.'
He sighed a deep sigh and exclaimed, 'Lady, that's what I've been trying to tell you all day!'

I don't know whether they are wicked jokes or not, but one thing is certain, Atisha would have enjoyed them. In fact, by 'wicked jokes' he means something totally different. He means: Don't say anything against anybody, don't hurt anybody when they are not present, don't hurt anybody behind their back.

Osho, The Book of Wisdom, Talk #13
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